Oh sweet baby corn Jesus I’ve been itching to do this for a while, and I even feel a little bad for the bash that’s about to commence, but to my better judgment – I say fuck it.
So as you folks may already know, I am a major Instagram addict. Not in the sense I spend 20 minutes picking out filters and editing my photo until I look like someone else, more so as in I can get lost in IG threads for hours. Puppy pictures, naked import girl photos, funny photos, DIY projects – the list goes on. That part of IG is great, it’s kind of what makes the app so amazing and humbling at the same time. And then there’s this dark part of IG that no one really speaks about – the douche-a-grams. These are the photos you like only because you feel obligated to, but deep down, you’re saying “what the fuck?”
- Covered faces
“Hanging with my friends doing cool things, isnt this photo so awesome!?!”
Is your girlfriend/boyfriend that ugly? Are some of your friends that terrible looking? Are these drug dealers? WHY.. people, why? Why do you take photos with people only to blur their faces out or better yet, put a cartoon on it and pretend that’s okay. To be honest, I assume all people with covered faces are drug dealers that don’t want others to know they’ve gone soft on IG. I said it, I don’t care.
- Blurry photos of concerts / cool places / famous people you want others to know you’ve been a witness to.
You. Are. Too. Cool. NOT. Don’t get me wrong, I love a sick “wow” photo, but if your picture is blurry as my memory of last night then you best keep that to yourself. I’d rather you just upload a clearer image from the professional google image files. Save us the hassle of squinting.
- Selfies with captions that say you’re doing something.
I’m actually a big fan of selfies (mostly due to the fact I take them myself and I’m not about to put myself on blast lol). but let’s call a spade a spade, a selfie is a selfie. It’s a beautiful picture you’ve taken of yourself. You’re gorgeous, you’re damn right you should share it. Selfies with captions like “girls night out or “doing homework,” or “enjoying the beautiful day out” – are not needed. It’s a selfie, we get it.
- Stupid food photos. I know what a starbucks cup looks like, trust me I know. Ugh, and the prep photos of your week’s healthy meals. Who da faaaack cares. I mean, it’s great you’re on that health tip and taking care of yourself but if your quinoa and baked chicken isn’t bleeding leprechaun sprinkles please don’t. Show me pictures of food I can crave for!!!
- Gifts/flowers/ from unknown senders/ people who post gift boxes without showing the gift itself. I find these are usually from people who seek more attention. And I hate these photos because being the nosy mother fucker that I am.. I want to know what you got at Chanel you cheap bastard!!!
- Basic bitches trying to act like they’re the bizness.
So lord knows I felt like I was black in my past life – from my superb taste in chocolate (both the cocoa, and the men), to my preteen choices in rap/hip hop music to my love for all things southern related – that’s just me. But then all of a sudden these people who happened to know 4 trap songs started to feel like they were “about that life”. Calling themselves “ratchet,” going out and getting “turnt up” and saying all this weird shit – thinkin’ they all baaaaaad and shiet. Like seriously, don’t be chuckin up the deuces and callin yourself a bad bitch if you live at home with your mom and don’t pay rent. And for the record sweet cheeks, I’ve been to places like Miami during Carnival week, and LA for All Star Weekend – I know what a cot dayum rachet is and that’s not something you should aspire to be.
To be completely truthful, the list goes on lol – but the good really does outweigh the bad (or else I’d never be on it!!!). My concern with IG is the phoniness it’s gotten into. Basic bitches turning into super models and living well off of nothing. I don’t get it. Actually I do, basic bitches need parading, real ones don’t.
Let’s be real for a moment, our Instagrams aren’t the whole truth, far from it to be honest. We come here on this fake pedestal and brag about how much we’re doing, how well we’re doing and how important it all is. We somehow neglect to document the real parts – the ones not deemed appropriate for IG because it’s not perfect enough. The late nights, the work politics, the bad fights with your boyfriend, the terrible morning hair, the hours lost watching bad TV. No.. on IG, we’re all endlessly interesting and driven, philosophical dreamers living so well others want to be us. The lack of life direction, the unfulfilling relationship, the microwave dinner, the new designer bag with $0 in it are no place for Instagram, oh no .. oh no no. On IG, we’re doing everything right with the right people, all the fucking time.
The whole truth is IG is everyone’s personal orchestrated highlight reel. Don’t be confused or misled by all the empty “likes” – after the scene ends, everyone returns to their normal lives of pushing another day off the calendar, back to the trials and tribulations of that journey called life.
But with all that being said, IG has inspired me to eat better (thanks to all the amazing people that post healthy and delicious easy dinners!), it’s opened up business ideas, it’s gotten my brain churning which is the best gift of all – it’s inspired a portion of my life to grow a bit. Growth is growth, I’ll take it any day. When it comes to my own IG, I personally love to document all the pretty in my life, especially things that give people a sneak peek of who I am. My love for good shoes, beautiful décor, my wonderful people and the happy moments. But when the batt is at 1% and my day is still young, I don’t give a fuck. Life goes on with or without an audience. Instagram is often made up of a bed of little white lies.
But if Instagram was telling the truth and nothing but, wouldn’t it just be showing us scrolling through our IG all day?